{"id":2558,"date":"2022-02-11T13:06:27","date_gmt":"2022-02-11T21:06:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/musicalmakiko.com\/en\/?p=2558"},"modified":"2022-02-12T16:30:06","modified_gmt":"2022-02-13T00:30:06","slug":"my-american-mother-joan-borneman-1935-2022","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/musicalmakiko.com\/en\/uncategorized\/2558","title":{"rendered":"My American Mother, Joan Koll Borneman"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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I met Joan in 1991. This portrait is from before that. This must have been one of her favorite images of herself. She’d had it displayed in her living room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On Tuesday February 8, 2022 at 8:15PM, she passed on peacefully in her sleep at her residence in Livingston, NJ. When I visited her on Christmas Eve, we were still able to converse, reminiscing over our shared memories. On her birthday on January 8th, her friend Janet brought over a cake to celebrate. Towards the end, she just started sleeping more and more, until eventually she just slept without waking. Her transition was very gradual. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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In the spring of 1991, the Bornemans were expecting a young Japanese houseguest. Ed, Joan’s husband who became my American father, had a friend in Japan whose daughter was coming to stay with them for a few weeks. They reached out to us for some help, as one of the only few Japanese families in Short Hills, NJ at the time. Joan had been a school nurse at my sister’s elementary school. That was how we began. <\/h5>\n\n\n\n

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Dr. Edmond H. Borneman<\/a> (1924-2016) and Joan Borneman. Ed was a physicist, and a semiconductor engineer who later traveled to Japan often to share his technical knowledge. Joan was a school nurse at the Deerfield Elementary School until she retired. They were both active in their community as volunteers. <\/h5>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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This house in Short Hills, NJ became my home in the States between 1991 until it was sold in 2016. <\/h5>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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This is also from the summer of 1991. They had a terrace out in the back. Whenever the weather was nice, we ate our meals outdoors. Ed was usually in charge of gilling: fish, cheese burgers, steaks, etc. <\/h5>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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In November, 1991, I gave my very first solo recital at Juilliard’s Paul Hall. I think this must have been my first concert the Bornemans became involved in. My father had already gone back to Japan, after the burst of bubble economy in Japan that year. But my mom stayed in NJ with me and my sister until I was scheduled to move in with the Bornemans in February, helping me with the arrangements. <\/h5>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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The photo to the right was taken the night before my mom and sister went back to Japan, when I started living with Joan and Ed. The piano in the photo is a Steinway my parents bought for me when we first moved to the States in ’89, when I got into Juilliard’s Pre-College Division. It stayed with the Bornemans, until Joan sold the house after Ed’s passing. Even after I’d left the East Coast for my graduate degrees, this piano remained here. I often came home for focused practice, staying upstairs in a room they kept as mine until the end of the “Borneman Manor.” “Come home for R&R,” Ed used to call and tell me. “Your favorite apple turnover is waiting for you in the pantry.” I can still hear his voice. <\/h5>\n\n\n\n

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I was seventeen when I first played an entire concerto with an orchestra. It was Chopin No. 1. <\/h5>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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This is the cake that Joan and I are cutting together in the above photo. I was self-absorbed in my loneliness, and overwhelmed with the language barrier as an American high schooler and the pressure at Juilliard. Joan and I crashed often. But when I see the photo of this cake now, I see how much they were committed to loving me. <\/h5>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Maybe it was Joan’s way of letting me know how much I was wanted. She told me repeatedly how she’d only had sons and so she’d always wanted a daughter. But I was so driven and goal-oriented, often refusing her invitation for an ice cream outing, shopping, etc. Unfazed, she was determined to show me she cared. She would tiptoe down the stairs, as I banged away at the piano, and leave a container of takeout sushi for me by the piano. <\/h5>\n\n\n\n

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After the graduation from Juilliard Pre-College in 1993. <\/h5>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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From the last holiday season we got to enjoy with Ed, in 2015. <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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“You’ll be the second Doctor in our family,” Ed used to tell me. When I visited Ed at the end, I found him skin and bones, fading away on his hospice bed. At one point during my visit, when I asked him what I could do for him – meaning, if I could bring him a glass of water, etc., he replied “FINISH YOUR THESIS!” <\/h5>\n\n\n\n
So, I did – in 2017. And Joan flew into Houston to come attend my graduation. <\/h5>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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In August 2021, I stayed with her for two nights. We had a lot to catch up on, after Covid, and after her diagnosis. <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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Joan was always looking forward to seeing Ed again after life. As an uncompromising atheist, Ed used to laugh at Joan whenever she expressed these sentiments. But I think she dreamt of it even more after Ed was gone. <\/h5>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

When Joan and Ed were born into this world pre-WWII, it was probably inconceivable that they would grow up to live with a Japanese girl they would come to refer to as their daughter. We shared our lives as family for over thirty years. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am forever grateful. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the world that Joan and Ed were born into pre-WWII, it was probably inconceivable that they would grow up to live with a Japanese girl they would come to refer to as their “daughter.” We shared our lives as family for over thirty years. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2560,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[976,977],"class_list":["post-2558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-joan-koll-borneman","tag-my-american-mother"],"yoast_head":"\nMy American Mother, Joan Koll Borneman - 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