2020-5 “How to Win Friends and Influence People(1936)” by Dale Carnegie
I listened to this book on Audible. I’ve vaguely known about this book since I was in high school. There are several reasons that compelled me to “read it” now, at this point in my life.
- I’ve been reading a lot of prescriptive nonfiction (“how-to” books), because I think of reframing my book as one.
- It ranked 8th on the New York Public Library’s most-checked out books in its 125-year history.
- It ranks high in many of the “most influential books…,” including 11th highest sales of all nonfiction of all times on Amazon.
I am impressed at how a book written in 1936 still is held in such high regard. I always considered nonfiction to have a short lifespan, compared to fiction.
The teachings of this book are really fundamental. There are the universal principles of human relations. For example:
- “Become genuinely interested in other people”
- “Be a good listener”
- “Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.”
- “Appeal to the nobler motives.”
Then, there are ones that are idiosyncratic to American culture, although I don’t think the author realized that:
- Smile
- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
There are many sites that publishes complete summary of the book’s points, like this one.
In between these points are anecdotes to illustrate and reinforce the lessons. These are of historical figures like Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin and Henry Ford, as well as the author’s personal acquaintances and his own life stories.
Although the book was well written and easy to read and digest, it was not an entirely pleasant experience to read this book. Aside from the anachronistic gender stereotypes and other things that was uncomfortable to stomach, what made me irritated was the fact that all these seemingly virtuous lessons were all for the purpose of manipulating people to get your way, and to achieve your goal.
However, I did gain some perspective on the book by learning about the historical context of this book, and reading others’ reviews – something I started doing recently.
When this book was published America was at the tail end of Great Depression with the unemployment rate at 16.9%. The reason why the book often mentions a person successfully reaching his quota in sales, or not being fired after using certain techniques on his boss, are because these were immediate threats to the book’s readers at the time. And the appeal of the book to its contemporary readers – and its universality – had to do with the fact that book did not mention any of its current global issues, economic or otherwise. Its stance was consistently that of self-reliance and accountability. If one was to chance, one’s circumstance had to change. It was this optimism, and step-by-step very practical advice that one can easily implement in his daily action immediately, that made the book an immediate success.
However, I do worry that if the side-effect of this massively influential book is not the cause of some of the superficiality of American culture, with its small talks and pretentious and formulaic questions about other’s well-being.
This book gave me a new insight into Americans and American culture. But I thought the other book I read concurrently, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, were more helpful. I will review it in my next blog.