My Hopes and Dreams.

/ My musical mission / By /

In order to decide how to make my musical activity more socially relevant and directly impactful, I need enough perspective to see what/where the needs are, independent of traditional performance practice and preconceived notions. Having been single-minded in my pursuit of a solo career for the first three decades of my life, I know that once I commit, it will be difficult to step back for perspective. So, I have been taking my time, putting efforts into broadening my vision, since I got my DMA in May 2017. I recognize this as luxury, but also a responsibility. So I share my process of how I’ve come to where I am today, what I foresee in the near future, and my overall hopes and dreams.

How I’ve come to Where I am Today.

#1 During the course of my research for my thesis (on the historical background to the practice of memorization, especially for pianists), I came to realize a certain set of biases that classical musicians are susceptible to, that are deep rooted in the history and culture of classical music: anti-intellectualism (#1 music is to be “felt” not understood, #2 blind faith in authorities; the score, composers, conductors, etc), and racism and misogyny. I faced my own ignorance, and vulnerability to these biases – resulting in an internalized oppression as a woman of color in pursuit of ideal prescribed by white men, especially the German Romantic Idealists. 

#2 Then, immediately following my graduation, I became a delegate to the US-Japan Leadership Program. It was a life-changing experience for me, having grown up in the bubble of classical music. Two things were especially eye-opening for me. One was meeting Nikole Hannah-Jones, an investigative journalist to the New York Times on civil rights, and more specifically today’s school segregation, issues. I never really knew the extent of racism that existed in this country until I met Nikole, and learned of her work, although I was starting to wonder after my dissertation research, and populist politics worldwide. The second eye-opening thing was the number of M.D.’s, who had gone back to school to get a MBA in order to start a medically related businesses that addressed problems they saw in the current medical system. They all said that in order to change a broken system, one cannot do it from within the system. I thought that might apply to music, and to me, as well. 

#3 In the fall of 2017, I moved to LA. In Houston during my studies at Rice for my DMA, I felt securely established as a teacher and a freelancer. In LA, I had to start from scratch. I was outside of the system now. 

Things I have done since my move to LA. 

  • Neuroscience: $
    • Since January of 2017, I have been engaged as a consultant to Houston Methodist Hospital’s Center for Performing Arts Medicine, participating in research, co-authoring papers, performing in their concert series, etc. Even after my move to LA, they continue to engage me to this day, mostly working via online means, and when I am in Houston.     
    • Attended the 2019 National Organization for Arts in Health Conference.
  • Writing: -$
    • I always had the idea of writing about my sexual harassment stories, as a whistle-blower. Then, in Oct. 2017, #MeToo caught on with allegations against Harvey Weinstein. I decided to give my #MeToo a twist for my book; a memoir about my fifteen-year battle with stage fright. It traces my journey of discovering what it is, how I came to have it, and how I got over it through my research findings for my doctoral thesis about the establishment of our performance practice, concert format, and beliefs from the nineteenth-century German Romanticism.
    • I started a bi-weekly column “The Way of the Pianist” in a Japanese free daily newspaper, Nikkan Sun, distributed throughout the West Coast and online. I mostly write about the benefit of music, how to incorporate in one’s daily life for better health, sense of well-being and happiness, etc.   
    • Attended the 2018 Music Industry Research Association conference to learn about diversity and inclusion, and gender equality in the industry.
  • Lecture-Concerts: $$
    • Presentations on music as a healing agent
      • historical incidences where music helped people transcend their differences 
      • music and neuroscience: music as a resource. 
      • the power of aurality (sound marketing, acousmata, harmony of the spheres, etc.)
  • Team-building and Leadership Workshop with Music: $$$
    • It’s found corporate clients. Since my first workshop in March, 2019, I’ve given 10 of these workshops, and more are booked in the future.
  • Social Media: $
    • Some people advised  me that “passive income” was essential in order to acquire financial independence and freedom to pursue your true artistic vision. Also, for my book, I was told that the number of social media followers was a determining factor for agents and publishers on whether to take you on or not. 
  • I Became a Shigeru Kawai Artist
  • Got on the LA Arts Council Musician’s Roster
  • Performances: $
    • 2019 Piano Recital “Piano Waterscapes” in LA, Greece, Houston, Japan, and Seattle.
    • 2018 Piano Recital “Piano in Love” in LA, Houston and Japan.
    • I have been re-engaged, often multiple times, for every appearance I have made since my move to LA both for solo and collaborative performances
  • Teaching: $
    • Adult amateurs in private lessons and chamber coaching
    • master classes
    • summer festivals.

My Goals, Hopes, Dreams, Ideals:

  • I want to work as hard as I can at being the best version of myself, as a human being, an artist, a musician, and a pianist. 
  • I want to empower as many people as I can. 
  • I want to raise awareness of music as a resource that can become crucial in time of challenges and crisis. 
  • I want to educate classical musicians of certain negative biases that are inherent in the history and practice of our tradition; how continuing the tradition without a critical assessment of these factors will perpetuate the consequence of these biases in the form of anti-intellectualism, racism and misogyny. 
  • I want to be recognized and respected for my work.
  • I want to be satisfied from working hard for what I believe in. 
  • I want to keep on learning and improving, as a way of keeping a system of checks and balances to my outputs.
  • I want to belong to a community to which I contribute and from which I learn and be inspired/encouraged by. 
  • I want to keep on performing at the very best of my abilities. 

 What I need: 

  • Time and space to write, to practice, and to work on myself. 
  • Upcoming concerts to practice for. 
  • Communities to contribute to, and learn and be inspired/encouraged from. 
  • Enough challenges to be excited about
  • Enough stability to feel secure in.

What I am Effective at:

  • Public speaking
    • Making abstract concepts relatable with concrete analogies and examples
    • Breaking the ice with laughter
    • Interactive audience engagements
    • Making information and overall message “stick.”
  • Teaching Lessons
    • Analyzing technical issues and challenges quickly and advising on how to master them both conceptually and in method of practicing
    • Making music analysis readily applicable to interpretation and performance
    • Addressing stage fright and other issues of inhibitions. 
  • Writing
    • I feel the urgent need to share my stories
    • I have a what-seems-to-be unique insight that go against the traditional understanding of the history  of classical music
    • I have good materials that are potentially very marketable. 
  • Performing
    • Good stage presence (or, so I’ve been told)
    • Confident after my research on stage fright, etc.
    • Experienced as a recitalist, soloist with orchestras, collaborative and orchestral pianist.  
    • I am playing at my best right now and intend to keeping that up. 
  • Networking
    • I seem to engage and befriend people easily
    • Diligent at emails and follow-ups

What I Will Not Do:

  • Performing serious concerts on an electric keyboard, or totally out of tune pianos
    • I don’t mind playing on electric keyboard as supplemental demonstrations for workshops or lectures
    • I prefer electric keyboards to completely out-of-tune pianos: it disorients me. 
    • I HAVE performed on tuned upright pianos, and try to be as flexible as possible in order to play in as many/diverse a venue as possible.  
  •  Keeping my tongue in check when
    • I am called, or treated as an “accompanist,” in a totally subservient role to the “soloist.”
    • Treated, or paid, as young Asian female with perceived ESL issues
    • When I feel taken advantage of, disrespected, overworked and underpaid.
  • Keeping up a consistent social media presence
    • When what I promote is a human connection through communal musical experience of shared time and space, I feel like a hypocrite using social media platform.
    • I am against digitized sound in principle.