This is an English translation of an article published in Nikkan San on May 21, 2020, as a part of my column, “The Way of the Pianist.
It seems to me that there are emotions that are socially acceptable and emotions that are not. For example, it is socially encouraged to share our happiness and joy, but sadness, loneliness and sufferings are oppressed. However, in music, all feelings are welcome and explored. It’s been more than two months since the safer-at-home measure was announced. Like everyone else, I personally have my worries about my own future and experience the ups and downs of my emotions with the news and the unknowns. In addition, in the last two weeks, I lost two of my friends. Having been through all these things, I now have a new perspective on what it is that music provides: the time and the space to feel our feelings.
Sometimes, I wonder if some people don’t fill up their time with busy-ness, just so that they can avoid feeling the feelings they need to feel. I now sit at the piano with a new resolution: to see if I can possibly take over facing those feelings for these people. Of course, when I am producing my videos, or performing my online live streaming, I play for people listening, to help them regulate their pulse and breath to help them welcome all their feelings without distinction or judgement. But even when I am playing by myself, during my warm-up to daily practice, I play with my heart and soul to see if I can sublimate all the feelings that don’t get expressed or properly felt through my act of music-making. I wonder if that is not what one of the functions we musicians and artists perform in this world.
Until Covid-19, my life in music was like taking orders for various stir-fry dishes. In stir-fry, speed is crucial. Choppin ghte ingredients, heating them with high-heat, quickly throwing in the seasoning. Lots of action, rhythm, and adrenaline. Now, my life is like cooking a large pot of stew on the stove. I dream of the day when we can gather around this stew together, enjoying the result of all the pondering, philosophies, memories and tears that are going into this concoction that I am cooking on a low heat, stirring occasionally for days on end.
