I met Joan in 1991. This portrait is from before that. This must have been one of her favorite images of herself. She’d had it displayed in her living room.
On Tuesday February 8, 2022 at 8:15PM, she passed on peacefully in her sleep at her residence in Livingston, NJ. When I visited her on Christmas Eve, we were still able to converse, reminiscing over our shared memories. On her birthday on January 8th, her friend Janet brought over a cake to celebrate. Towards the end, she just started sleeping more and more, until eventually she just slept without waking. Her transition was very gradual.
In the spring of 1991, the Bornemans were expecting a young Japanese houseguest. Ed, Joan’s husband who became my American father, had a friend in Japan whose daughter was coming to stay with them for a few weeks. They reached out to us for some help, as one of the only few Japanese families in Short Hills, NJ at the time. Joan had been a school nurse at my sister’s elementary school. That was how we began.
Dr. Edmond H. Borneman (1924-2016) and Joan Borneman. Ed was a physicist, and a semiconductor engineer who later traveled to Japan often to share his technical knowledge. Joan was a school nurse at the Deerfield Elementary School until she retired. They were both active in their community as volunteers.
This house in Short Hills, NJ became my home in the States between 1991 until it was sold in 2016.
This is also from the summer of 1991. They had a terrace out in the back. Whenever the weather was nice, we ate our meals outdoors. Ed was usually in charge of gilling: fish, cheese burgers, steaks, etc.
In November, 1991, I gave my very first solo recital at Juilliard’s Paul Hall. I think this must have been my first concert the Bornemans became involved in. My father had already gone back to Japan, after the burst of bubble economy in Japan that year. But my mom stayed in NJ with me and my sister until I was scheduled to move in with the Bornemans in February, helping me with the arrangements.
The photo to the right was taken the night before my mom and sister went back to Japan, when I started living with Joan and Ed. The piano in the photo is a Steinway my parents bought for me when we first moved to the States in ’89, when I got into Juilliard’s Pre-College Division. It stayed with the Bornemans, until Joan sold the house after Ed’s passing. Even after I’d left the East Coast for my graduate degrees, this piano remained here. I often came home for focused practice, staying upstairs in a room they kept as mine until the end of the “Borneman Manor.” “Come home for R&R,” Ed used to call and tell me. “Your favorite apple turnover is waiting for you in the pantry.” I can still hear his voice.
I was seventeen when I first played an entire concerto with an orchestra. It was Chopin No. 1.
This is the cake that Joan and I are cutting together in the above photo. I was self-absorbed in my loneliness, and overwhelmed with the language barrier as an American high schooler and the pressure at Juilliard. Joan and I crashed often. But when I see the photo of this cake now, I see how much they were committed to loving me.
Maybe it was Joan’s way of letting me know how much I was wanted. She told me repeatedly how she’d only had sons and so she’d always wanted a daughter. But I was so driven and goal-oriented, often refusing her invitation for an ice cream outing, shopping, etc. Unfazed, she was determined to show me she cared. She would tiptoe down the stairs, as I banged away at the piano, and leave a container of takeout sushi for me by the piano.
After the graduation from Juilliard Pre-College in 1993.
“You’ll be the second Doctor in our family,” Ed used to tell me. When I visited Ed at the end, I found him skin and bones, fading away on his hospice bed. At one point during my visit, when I asked him what I could do for him – meaning, if I could bring him a glass of water, etc., he replied “FINISH YOUR THESIS!”
So, I did – in 2017. And Joan flew into Houston to come attend my graduation.
Joan was always looking forward to seeing Ed again after life. As an uncompromising atheist, Ed used to laugh at Joan whenever she expressed these sentiments. But I think she dreamt of it even more after Ed was gone.
When Joan and Ed were born into this world pre-WWII, it was probably inconceivable that they would grow up to live with a Japanese girl they would come to refer to as their daughter. We shared our lives as family for over thirty years.
I am forever grateful.
I know how hard it is to loose a loved one. May your memories stay with you to help honor those we have lost and those who have been so much a part of our lives.
rae
Thank you Rae. Sending you hugs.
Makiko
How did I enjoy reading your American Family story; some sections I could not help feeling tears in my eyes. I am so happy to know your experience as well as the Bornemans.
Thank you so much Akemi-san. Yes, the stories of Japanese people moving their establishing their lives in the States after WWII are really remarkable. You are one of those stellar examples!!
Makiko
Thank you for this. I too considered her my mother. If you can call me 908 531 7171
Thanks
Millie
Thank you Millie.
Makiko
Hi. Thanks for the email. Good read . Amazing story. Talk to you soon.
Thanks for reading!
Dear Makiko,
You wrote such a beautiful tribute to Joan and Ed. Thank you for all the pictures and memories.
I worked with Joan at Wyoming School for many years. She was such a giving and loving woman. As a new teacher, she took me under her wing. When I was pregnant,(1996), she hosted an end of year party and baby shower. She was so hospitable and kind. I lost contact with her after her retirement, but met her again at a memorial luncheon for one of the residents from her complex in Livingston. It was as if time never passed. We had such a good conversation. She was so proud of you and loved having you live with her and Ed. I will always remember her fondly.
Dear Jill
Thank you for sharing all of your wonderful memories of hers. I am sure she was delighted by your reunion recently, and being able to support you in all of your new life endeavors. Towards the end, after she received her diagnosis, despite her physical weakness, she asked me if I knew of anything she could do as volunteers. “I just want to be useful!” she kept saying, a bit exasperated. She was like that.
Makiko
Dear Makiko,
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you very much for sharing your wonderful story. I enjoyed reading the blog and seeing all the photos. I noticed that you did not change much, you are still beautiful as you were in your teen years. Joan and Ed were such loving people. Their kind hearts are beyond the words can describe. I also had a loving American mother who was generous and loving as Joan. She even looked like Joan in some way. She passed away in 1997. I still miss her even today.
Such beautiful memories are the treasure of our lives. Take care!
Thank you Lijun.
You are absolutely right – beautiful memories are the treasures of our lives. Thank you for sharing yours in this comment. I’d love to see your American mother’s photos during our next visit.
Sending you hugs.
Makiko
Dear Makiko,
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for this beautiful tribute to Joan. I had the great fortune to work with her for ten years at NJPAC, spending Saturdays side by side at Jazz For Teens; there was no one more devoted to volunteer service. Joan spoke of you often and with such love and pride! She will be remembered fondly and missed greatly.
With sympathy,
Joanna
Thank you very much Joanna. She loved volunteering at the NJPAC, and especially the Jazz for Teens!
Makiko
Dear Mikiko,
I had the pleasure of working with Joan at Greenwood Gardens for 5 years. She spoke of you often, with such love and pride. I’m so sorry that she has passed, but everyone who knew her was enriched by her presence, and we feel grateful for that time with her.
Warm regards,
Liz Johnson
Dear Liz
Thank you so much for your kind words and sentiments. She loved taking me and my friends to the Greenwood Gardens. I think she wanted to show off, and she was right to! Such a gem of a place! I will look forward to paying a visit to remember her, the next time I am in NJ.
Makiko
Makiko , thank you for sending this beautiful script for us to all remember our Joan as such an exquisite human being .. I love your honest and loving memories of her. I will always love her and her memories will inspire me forever. Stay well my friend, know that she adored you and was so proud of you!
Oh Susan…Thank you…
You and Bill and your boys were her family as well. She’d talk about you so fondly. She felt so blessed to have you in her life.
Makiko
Maikiko,
I had the privilege of having Joan work for me at Atlantic Health as a corporate health nurse for about 10 years. We are all so sorry for your loss. The world will mourn the loss of such a generous and loving soul. Heaven has gained an angel!
Nancy Markey
Nancy
Atlantic Health!! I remember Joan sometimes getting up super early – she always enjoyed getting a glimpse of different workspaces and meeting the people she was helping. She would come home with stories…Thanks for the memory and your kind words about Joan.
Makiko
Dear Makiko,
Your beautiful history above brought tears to my eyes. We passed each other at times during the above time line as Joan and my Mother Isabelle were very close friends. I am saddened by the loss of Joan, a person of strength and goodness. She will forever be missed. Thank you for such a beautiful look at her.
Bill K.
Dear Bill
With your email, memories of Isabelle, and every time Joan mentioned you in our conversation flooded me. I am so glad that I got to share this little tribute of Joan’s with you through this site. Thank you for your kind words and sentiments. Your mother was a beautiful part of Joan’s life.
Makiko